Hot Bachelorette Penis Hat
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FeaturesThe Hot Bachelorette Penis Hat is one of the best ways to let everyone know who the bachelorette is so they steer clear of her wild rampage!
If growing up in a deeply patriarchal society has taught me anything, it’s that having a dick makes you more important than people without a dick, for some unidentifiable reason. So, by that same logic, having five dicks must make you five times as important as people with one dick. And if that’s true, then wearing this hat is hands down the best way to guarantee everybody recognizes how important the bride-to-be is on her big night out.
Even if her five dicks don’t clue people in to her position of importance, there’s a sash that goes around the brim of the hat that says “Hot Bachelorette!” in bold pink letters. With those two factors combined, everyone is sure to respect the authority of the woman wearing this hat. Just, uh, heads up, “respecting authority” sometimes looks a lot like “laughing uproariously.” So if everyone doubles over in laughter as the bachelorette walks by, that’s how you know it’s working.
One size fits all.