Alright, ladies, let’s not beat around the bush: bachelorette parties are about one thing and one thing only.
Okay, good point. Two things and two things only. Getting drunk, and PENISES. Penises everywhere. Pink penises, black penises, rainbow penises, cartoon penises, realistic penises, more penises than you can count. Penises on everything you could possibly order for your bachelorette party. But you know what aspect of penises we never seem to see represented in bachelorette party merchandise? Their freaky, weird, supernatural ability to grow. Whether you’ve personally been a witness to this bizarre spectacle or not, surely you’ve at least heard tales of how these mysterious creatures can double or even triple in size at the slightest provocation. It’s like something out of a discovery channel special, and none of the plates or napkins or shot glasses we sell here make it any easier for us to understand how it works.
But finally, the mystery is laid bare for you and all your girlfriends to behold, thanks to the Elastic Pecker Hair Band. This elastic hairband is stretchy enough to fit around any hairstyle or wrist, but you know what’s even stretchier? The pink plastic penis attached to it! This pecker starts at a mere 2.5 inches, but it can stretch out to almost 3 feet long! And the secret, it turns out: in between the head and the balls, it’s just a slinky! Huh, what do you know? So THAT’s how they’ve been doing it all along!