Can you believe this - we’ve been selling penis candles for over twenty years now, with all kinds of different cartoony styles over the years - but you know what style we’ve never seen before, not even once? Photorealistic. We searched high and low, but we just couldn’t find any true-to-life depictions of penises with which to decorate your cakes and light on fire. It’s like there’s been some unwritten understanding among the candlemakers guild (disclaimer: we don’t actually know if candlemakers have a guild) that only goofy, cartoonish, exaggerated penises can be set on fire at bachelorette parties.
Well, no longer. We’re not entirely sure why you would care about specifically setting fire to the most realistic-looking penis candles you can find, but now you have that option. Now you can get the Realistic Penis Candles, which capture every detail of real live penises, right up to the pubic hair. We only ask that you please refrain from using this power for some kind of evil voodoo sorcery.
Five candles per pack.